Life With Depression and Severe Anxiety

This has been a great summer. So busy, full of life, changes and new adventures. I've visited my blog countless times intending to write about many things, but have sat in a quiet cloud of thought, not knowing what really to express. So many feelings rush out of each day, some not stopping to make room for others.

Life is a struggle for me. The challenge to stay ahead of the dark wings of depression, while maintaining the normalcy of a healthy life takes its toll some days. Without the aid of medication severe anxiety makes simple chores like going to the grocery store almost an overwhelming task even without children by my side. I've learned to hide it well, but I'm not always sure that is a good thing. Without letting yourself be vulnerable you can't let others in to walk with you through tough times. It takes a combination of knowing when to be strong and when to be weak to help balance out the challenges in life.

My girls are 2 of the most precious things in my life. (Let's not forget my husband as well. He is the blessing that gave me our children.) Those girls are what I rise in the morning for. Some mornings a little more disgruntled than others. Those precious babies and my husband are why I have chosen to get help through therapy and medication. They deserve a healthy strong mommy and wife.

Taking medication is no replacement for doing the hard work. Getting up when you don't feel like it, putting make up and real clothes on when you feel like staying in bed. Getting out when you would rather stay in. Going grocery shopping when you are feeling overly anxious.

This past year God called me to go above and beyond what I was even comfortable thinking about. He asked me to lead a bible study group at my church for young moms. Please I am not asking to be seen as something extra ordinary, I just want to be seen as faithful to God. Faithful to listen and obey. Isn't that what God asks of us. To incline our ear and then to put one foot in front of the other. The very thought of leading a bible study scared the stuffing right out of me. In high school I was in a speech and drama class and every Friday I was literally sick to my stomach because I had to get up in front of a small class and give a speech. It was terrifying. God knew that, but He knows me better than I know myself.

I found by calling the group of women God's women it took my eyes off of my own inadequacy and placed everything on God who is adequate for any challange. It removed the anxiety and replaced it with peace and joy. By the end of the year dedicated to obeying God in this simple way I've been forever changed, and forever thankful for the delicate jewels I've collected along the way, in wisdom, spiritual growth, close friends, confidence and most precious of all a deeper love for the Lord.

I've been learning that it's not who you are by the worlds standards that matters, but who you are in God's eye that makes all the difference in the world. Doesn't He call us the apple of his eye.

My children, my most precious presents from the Lord, as I like to tell them they are are a constand and daily reminder to get out of bed, do the right thing because they deserve the best no matter what.