Gifts From My Mother

My gift and love for creating really came to me from my own mother. Probably all have experienced at some point in your life being embarrassed of your parents, mainly during your teenage years. But I think that feeling of embarrassment was sourced in our own insecurity of not knowing where we fit into the great big world yet. Now that I have found my place in this world I am now proud to admit that the gift of creating has come from my mom. I love my mommy. My mom used to collect seeds in national parks, and when my dad told her not to do it, she'd hand us the bag. We used to go for walk and pick what we called curly weeds and caterpillar weeds in Senegal. We were always hauling home rocks from any camping trip we were on. We even packed to accommodate and expect it. We dug up beautiful plants and replanted them in our yard. We picked giant bouquets of wildflowers and enjoyed them on the dining room table sometimes even with a baby chameleon as a live exhibit that we found along the way.

So I am proud of my mom, and now I have come to a full appreciation and love of the art of collecting beautiful treasures and celebrating the glory of God's creation in our own home. I have come full circle. I've truly become my mom in some sense of the word and I'm not embarrassed to admit it now. Now my kids get to be embarrassed of me.

This is a wreath made out of acorn tops. I collected them with the intent to create beauty to celebrate God's magnificence in our own home!

Fragments of Beauty

These bottles sit on my windowsill over my kitchen sink. Since I spend so much time in my kitchen and at my sink it's a great place to put Bible verses, and capture little reminders of God's magnificent creations out doors. My girls always bring me flowers with no stems so this is a great way to show them I love them, by treasuring their presents. Just wanted to share my little fragments of beauty with you.

God Thinks You Rock The Casbah

This is simply a beautiful picture of how much God loves you and I.

http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2008/11/god-thinks-you-rock-casbah.html

The Marriage Bed

If you want to have a good laugh read this one. It's so totally sadly true and hilarious all at the same time.

http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/03/marriage-bed.html

How To Be The Perfect Mother

This was such an awesome post from a favorite blog of mine. This woman is real. She doesn't try to make herself something she isn't. So all you mom's out there, read this. It's great.

http://itsalmostnaptime.blogspot.com/2010/08/how-to-be-perfect-mother.html

New Beginnings

Today we started a new semester of Women's Minstry. For me that means a new year leading a group and opening a my heart for what God has to teach me. This summer which was full of back porch evenings and exploring felt much like I was wearing sweatpants and house shoes on the inside, in my heart. Comfy sweatpants and house shoes give me a reason to hide in my house and do as little as possible. Spiritually sweatpants are a huge hindrance to my growth. So it's now time to get on my jeans, my sassy boots and get back to growing.

This semester we are going to be working through the book of Ruth. Little book, huge lessons. Ruth by Hebrew standards was an foreigner, but in God's eyes she was faithful. God calls us to be faithful in the little things. We are all part of His great story, may you be faithful in the part He has called you to be.

This morning I remembered to breath. Very simple, but very important thing. Last year, my first time leading I forgot to breath and literally almost passed out. So I'm encouraged. A year ago at this time I was just starting to explore the option of medication for anxiety/depression. Since then I've found a medication that has completely turned my life around and given me my life back. But God reminded me very quietly yesterday not to put my faith in the medication I was taking, but to continue to place my faith in Him, my comfort and my rock. So here we go, stepping out into a new year, with new possibilities.

I'm excited about this year. There is much to be learned ahead. In 4 months I turn 30. For many this may bring them fear thinking about getting older, but I'm excited. Excited to turn a new chapter in my life. Excited to leave being my 20's, which have been very important years, but very painful years of growth.

30 means endless possibilities, the anticipation of walking with God for years to come, hope and a challange to grow into a more positive person. I want to live another 30 years and look back when I'm 60 and see a life well lived. A life full of purpose, reason, and giving the best of what God made me to be to others.

Medication

It's hard. Hard finding what works, hard finding how much of that will help symptoms, while trying to outweigh the negative symptoms. I'm back on the road of trying to find something that works. There have been to many mornings where I'm covered in a fog of uncertainty. It's like if I squint hard enough I can bring life into focus. Maybe I can hear a little better, see a little clearer, but all that squinting just gives me a headache. It's hard not wanting to do anything but check out of life. This is the time when all of my hobbies consume me because I don't want to function in the real world.

The only problem, I'm a young mom and a wife. I don't have the liberty of checking out. Probably a good thing because it keeps me in check. I know what's right to do, it's right to get out of bed, it's right to play with my kids, but even to leave the house some days is a chore.

Today is one of those days in a week of those cloudy days. I already have a headache from squinting and it isn't even noon yet. I can hear myself saying the loving words I know are right, giving the hugs and the kisses, but it feels like someone else is doing it, because it feels like I'm lost in a cloud of unfeeling numbness.

Potty Training and Big Girl Undies

We are so very proud of Emily. She is doing an amazing job at potty training. This whole week has been a wonderful success and such a relief. I had braces myself for a large drawn out fight ending in her going off to college in pull-ups. :) Emily is our stubborn girl. Well thinking about it they both are. They both have our fight to the death genes. Emily is hard to move from one stage of her life to the next. She only walked because Chris made her, and once she did walk she was the happiest thing ever. She didn't want to sit on the potty when we started, but once we got her over the stubborn part she's been such a wonderful surprise in going mostly all by herself. We've had her happily go poop and potty time and time again each day. There are some accidents, but we celebrate the successes and carry on with life in the accidents. She is SO proud of herself and so excited to be wearing big girl undies just like her big sister. You can see the pride radiating in her face as she runs to get hugs and baby M&M's.

I'm so excited that this is another way that Chris and I can work together as a team and triumph as a family. We are instilling in our daughters a pride for an accomplishment well done, and they are learning that it's ok when we make mistakes. No big deal, we clean up and go on with life. I hope that this pride and these lessons being learned at such a young age can continue to translated into their lives as they grow and mature and their challenges grow bigger an harder. I pray that they will continue to grow to be confident and strong young ladies. Their strong wills and stubbornness were given to them by God. I hope that it can be trained to be used for His kingdom and His glory.

Just thought you might like to celebrate with us in this week of triumph. It's a little bittersweet though moving into a new stage of life. This means my last baby is growing up. My hands and heart must continue to loosen it's grip on them. That is what is right an proper, to slowly let them go as they grow. Training them with the right life qualities and tools to do it on their own one day. To take those tools and show the next generation how to live and love God to the fullest of their ability.

Life With Depression and Severe Anxiety

This has been a great summer. So busy, full of life, changes and new adventures. I've visited my blog countless times intending to write about many things, but have sat in a quiet cloud of thought, not knowing what really to express. So many feelings rush out of each day, some not stopping to make room for others.

Life is a struggle for me. The challenge to stay ahead of the dark wings of depression, while maintaining the normalcy of a healthy life takes its toll some days. Without the aid of medication severe anxiety makes simple chores like going to the grocery store almost an overwhelming task even without children by my side. I've learned to hide it well, but I'm not always sure that is a good thing. Without letting yourself be vulnerable you can't let others in to walk with you through tough times. It takes a combination of knowing when to be strong and when to be weak to help balance out the challenges in life.

My girls are 2 of the most precious things in my life. (Let's not forget my husband as well. He is the blessing that gave me our children.) Those girls are what I rise in the morning for. Some mornings a little more disgruntled than others. Those precious babies and my husband are why I have chosen to get help through therapy and medication. They deserve a healthy strong mommy and wife.

Taking medication is no replacement for doing the hard work. Getting up when you don't feel like it, putting make up and real clothes on when you feel like staying in bed. Getting out when you would rather stay in. Going grocery shopping when you are feeling overly anxious.

This past year God called me to go above and beyond what I was even comfortable thinking about. He asked me to lead a bible study group at my church for young moms. Please I am not asking to be seen as something extra ordinary, I just want to be seen as faithful to God. Faithful to listen and obey. Isn't that what God asks of us. To incline our ear and then to put one foot in front of the other. The very thought of leading a bible study scared the stuffing right out of me. In high school I was in a speech and drama class and every Friday I was literally sick to my stomach because I had to get up in front of a small class and give a speech. It was terrifying. God knew that, but He knows me better than I know myself.

I found by calling the group of women God's women it took my eyes off of my own inadequacy and placed everything on God who is adequate for any challange. It removed the anxiety and replaced it with peace and joy. By the end of the year dedicated to obeying God in this simple way I've been forever changed, and forever thankful for the delicate jewels I've collected along the way, in wisdom, spiritual growth, close friends, confidence and most precious of all a deeper love for the Lord.

I've been learning that it's not who you are by the worlds standards that matters, but who you are in God's eye that makes all the difference in the world. Doesn't He call us the apple of his eye.

My children, my most precious presents from the Lord, as I like to tell them they are are a constand and daily reminder to get out of bed, do the right thing because they deserve the best no matter what.

Bible Study Week 2-

A Beautiful Offering- Angela Thomas
Chapter 3 Being Yourself-

"Blessed are the meek, for they will inherit the earth. (Matt. 5:5)

"A devout life does bring wealth, but it's the rick simplicity of being yourself before God." (1 Tim. 6:6 The Message)

"My sister-in-law, Jodi, looked me square in the eye and said, 'Angela, of course it's just you, and you will never be enough, you will never have all the answers, and you will never become the perfect Christian girl; that is why you have always needed a Savior. Not only does Jesus save you from your sin, He saves you from your weakness. He saves you from your flawed and fallen self. And He saves you from your doubts. He is enough every time you are not."

"You are blessed when you learn to be content with who you are and how I made you. Stop scrambling to look like the other guy. Quit imitating your neighbor and instead imitate Me. I put you together. The accent was on purpose. The introverted countenance was My idea. I realize your limitations. I am aware of your personality type. I am the designer. Just look at Me and rest in both your strength and your weakness. You are blessed when you can't be more, because I can. Turn in my direction. Be the woman I created. She is a beautiful offering."

"When you are sure that you are not enough, in desperate need of the Savior's strength, then your life is a beautiful offering because God comes to the rescue with all the resources of His kingdom here on earth."

"God sees that it's just you. And He loves it when you lean into Him with everything you have and everything you don't have and trust. That's the kind of heart He's happy to bless. God comes to us when we're meek, when we're absolutely sure that we are a little fish in a big pond, and provides all that we need on this earth."

Chapter 4 Falling In Love-

"Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness, for they will be filled (Matt.5:6)

"Jesus said that when you are hungry and thirsty for His righteousness, then you are blessed. It is beautiful to Him when we desire His presence and long for right living. Right living means that we begin to desire what God desires. It means that our longings begin to line up with His purposes and His plans. Our decisions get filtered through the grid of His instruction, our love begins to mirror the reflection of His love for us, and our motives are refined as we consider His will."

"I imagine that there might be people who have known a lifetime of consistent spiritual passion, but over the years, my consistency has been interrupted by babies, fatigue, disappointment, and even now, the overwhelming schedule of our lives. But the more I know what His filling is like, the more I am deciding to ask God every day to make me hungry."

"Life is a beautiful offering when you are crying out for God to come and make you hungry for His righteousness, because He is the only One who will satisfy your spiritual appetite with the food that can fill your soul."

"Jesus said to them, This is good. I bless your hunger and your thirst. It's beautiful when you surrender to your spiritual appetite and do whatever it takes to feed your soul with My goodness, My virtue, and My example. I love it when you run after My right living like you cannot survive without it."

"He wants us to long for right living just as we desire human love or food. He wants us to come into His presence with the kind of intensity, but the order here: poor in spirit, mourning, meek, is intentional. He meant to give the other blessings first. Not because one is more important than the other, but because we need to hear His call to righteousness couched inside the truth of His compassion."

"We are blessed when we pursue righteousness, but He told us first that even in our lack or difficulty or imperfection, we can still be a beautiful offering. I want to be strong and focused and disciplined in my pursuit of Christ. But sometimes I have been poor or wounded and without an appetite for the things of God."

"Maybe you recall a time when you were excited about Jesus. Maybe you remember it as a phase, a part of your childhood, or as a dramatic life experience somewhere along the way. Would you like to yearn for a God-life again? Do you want to keep falling in love? Do you want like a prisoner to be freed from the chains of guilt and sin? Has it been so very long since you were hungry or thirsty for righteousness?

Then sink to your knees and pray. Lie on your face if you can. The One who fills has been waiting for your turn in His direction. Jesus still meets you where you are. In your turning and praying, God promises His blessing. He will not be put off if you come to Him in truth and pray something like this,

Lord, I am not hungry or thirsty for righteousness. I have become numb to longing for You. I can't remember what it was like to be in love, and I'm not sure I can even return. My heart is tired. My soul is empty. I have tried on my own and failed. My only option is for You to be something. Would You make me thirsty? Would You make me hungry? Would You make me want You more than anything?"

The Mommy Diaries pg. 84

This story caught my eye and my heart yesterday morning as I was reading through this book. Katelyn's big thing these days is "Mommy, I need a hug!" I feel that those close precious moments continue to establish a bond of love, safety and trust between us as her parents and her as a beautiful child with a lively learning heart. These quiet moments some times come when I'm tired and grumpy, and it re-aligns my heart to what is important in life, and what should come first.

A Two-Way Street
by Laura Broadwater

My youngest son and I were on our way home from running errands one day when he suddenly leaned over and placed his head against my shoulder. I glanced down at him. He seemed to be doing this a lot lately, and it worried me. This behavior was unusual for him. Having an older brother who thought being the oldest came with the inherent rights of "boss and bully," my youngest usually expended much energy acting tough and standing his ground. But we were alone, and I figured that maybe he thought it was safe to let down his guard. Still, careful not to make him feel like a baby, I playfully asked, "What ya doing?"

"Getting."

Curious about such an odd response, I asked, "What are you getting?"

"Love," he replied.

"Oh," I smiled, nodding my head. And for the rest of the ride home, he remained in that position.

The next time we were out driving and he did it, I casually asked, "Are you needing some love?" His answer surprised me.

"No, Mom, I'm giving it."

Shocked, I drove on in silence, pondering the wisdom of his words -- and the simple fact that I might need love too. I was so used to giving love to those around me who were in need of it that I'd never thought about receiving it myself. Not even from God.

This practice continued on between us for years. After a while, though, I stopped asking whether he was "getting" or "giving." The mere action itself served as a reminder of the need for balance in my life when it came to the giving and receiving of love.

With much regret, the day finally came when we had to abandon this practice. He just got to big (even when scrunched down) to lean his head on my shoulder. Still, regardless of how tall or grown up he gets, I won't forget the lesson he taught me while out driving down those country roads: loving someone is meant to be a two-way street.

"Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered. "Yes, Piglet?" "Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." A. A. Milne

Bible Study Week 1-

A Beautiful Offering- Angela Thomas
Part 1 When You Are
pg. 2 "I guess I always thought that my offering to God had to be perfect and without any flaw, something like a perfect sacrifice. I am coming to understand that the Father receives the offering of my life, even when it is broken or weak or marred. It's the covering of Christ that makes it perfect, and the desire to give my life to God that makes it beautiful."

pg. 2 "May you hear the voice of God call you beautiful. And may you desire with all your heart to return the love of God with your life."

Chapter 1 Broken
pg. 5 "Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven. (Matt. 5:3)"

pg. 5 "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." (Ps. 34:18)"

pg. 15-16 "Maybe through the sermon of Jesus, God wants you and me to know that He gets it. He understands humanity, and He's not mad at us about it. He designed the vessel that we reside in. He knows that we get weary. Our muscles fatigue. Emotions fray. Health fails. He wired us to long for the love of one another and without human-being love, He knows that can be desperate loneliness. He completely sees and hears and understands how the spirit can become emptied and broken. And from His understanding comes His compassionate blessing.

If the blessing for being closer to heaven comes through poverty of spirit, then maybe we can come to embrace our brokenness, knowing that we will experience a nearness of heaven that we cold not know otherwise. As a woman who longs after God, we can look into our emptiness, trusting that God is drawing us to Himself through life's pain and disappointment."

pg. 18 "I know it sounds ridiculous now, but I was truly just doing all that I knew. I had no idea about the blessings attached to the When You Are's. I didn't understand that God cold look on my imperfections and offer His tender compassion and blessing anyway. It has transformed my entire relationship with God to be able to come to Him as is, completely human, worn out, with hurt feelings, procrastinating or aimless. Through prayer I have learned to lay my empty spirit on His alter.

My brokenness is a beautiful offering to Him, and just the act of giving my poor spirit to the Father ushers me into the inheritance of His kingdom."

pg. 18-19 "It's almost as if Jesus says, 'I know about your brokenness and your flaws. I know that you aren't worthy. That's where I come in. What's Mine is yours anyway.'

Jesus wants you to know that when you are broken, shivering, alone, or afraid, with nothing left and nowhere to go, then you can turn in His direction and lay yourself at the foot of His love. Lay your broken offering on His altar. He will come and carry you into His presence. He will hold you with the warmth of His embrace and cover you with the blanket of His kingdom inheritance.

God wants you to know that when everything else is gone, that makes more room for Him, and every time there is more room for Him, you are blessed."

Chapter 2 Wounded
pg. 21 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted." (Matt. 5:4)

pg. 27-28 "I am learning that the only way to the other side is through (grief).

pg. 28-29 "Our lives can be a beautiful offering because the empty soul finds itself before the only one who can heal."

pg. 29 "I think Jesus wanted us to know that the only comfort that speaks stillness to the squalling soul is supernatural."

pg. 29 "When you are hurting, your head says that God is far away, but Jesus says, in fact, that God is closer than ever."

1 Corinthians 1:3-11
"Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. For just as the suffering of Christ flow over into our lives, so also through Christ our comfort overflows. If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same suffering we suffer. And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

We do not want you to be uninformed, brothers, about the hardships we suffered in the province of Asia. We were under great pressure, far beyond our ability to endure, so that we despaired even of life. Indeed, in our hearts we felt the sentence of death. But this happened that we might not rely on ourselves but on God, who raises the dead. has delivered us from such a deadly peril, and he will deliver us. On him we have set our hope that he will continue to deliver us, as you help us by your prayers. Then many will give thanks on our behalf for the gracious favor granted us in answer to the prayers of many."

Inspiration

First off I want to apologise for leaving you out in the cold, for those of you that might read this blog. If I'm just throwing my thoughts out into the wide open seemingless infinite internet space that's ok too.

Since the ministries at my church have finished, due to the summertime business some of my inspiration has dried up and the little green shoots I had left got trampled on by my kids running in and out of the back screen door yelling about bugs, who's not sharing or who hit who with what. So I've quietly wrapped up my thoughts and waited for a time to quietly sit with a cup of coffee and little interruption.

So some of my bible study ladies and I have committed to meeting every other week during the summer. This is an exciting time for me. We just met for the first time last night. Without breaking the confidence that we have promised within the group I think I'll share what has challanged me in my reading and has received a liberal underlining from my favorite pen. Maybe some questions as well that have come to mind during that quiet soul searching time. We are going through the book A Beautiful Offering by Angela Thomas. This might sound familiar since I've made mention to her book many posts back. So this is the 2nd time through the book, but it's even better than the first time.

So if it's just God and I sitting here talking that's ok, I hope it's a beautiful offering back to my Father. If you want to follow along, feel free to sit awhile. If you really want to get brave buy the book and follow along. You won't regret it.

A Beautiful Offering by Angela Thomas chapter 12 pgs. 160-162

Laying up treasure in heaven is about learning to value what is valuable to God. It will probably mean coming to appreciate the intangible riches of the kingdom inheritance more than the visible accumulation of stuff on earth. It might mean that your philosophy on wealth gets turned upside down by the teaching of Jesus, where mercy gets a better rating than mutual funds and sacrifice appraises higher than self. Laying up treasure will always be more about God’s purpose and less about your personal accumulation. Kingdom values, the characteristics Jesus teaches in this sermon, are worth more in God’s economy than all the rusting riches we have come to hold dear. I was an economics major in college, but the riches of God would never find their way onto any of the graphs I had to plot.

What do you think would be considered treasure in heaven? How about large accounts of forgiveness given? Drawers full of grace extended. A mattress stuffed with sacrifice and service and goodness. A cookie jar brimming with memories made and hugs given and tender looks across crowded rooms. A safe-deposit box packed with the secret life you have devoted to God. Maybe there is an old moving box stuffed with contentment. A scrapbook full of the joy you accumulated on the journey. And love – wouldn’t it be great to need a garage out back just to hold all the love?

When I travel away for a weekend of ministry there are several ways to assign value to my time. My accountant might value my honorarium. The IRS values my taxes. The business folks value books sold. That’s all fine, but non of it gets stored in heaven. What gets God’s attention are lives changed. Treasure is stored in heaven when I value what God holds in esteem. Things like serving the church, sacrificing my time or my comfort for the needs of others, or crafting a message that meets a need within the body of Christ. Those acts of service are treasures to God.

As a mom, there are things that are very important to me on earth, but I am learning to sacrifice my desires in order to preserve the kingdom treasure in our family. I could be really intense about a clean house and orderly closets and neatly ironed shirts. I am predisposed toward organization. It’s a firstborn thing. But I have realized that in this season, my desire for household perfection is really about my desire for appearance. I want to look like I have perfect kids and a perfect house. I don’t. Every time I begin to value the appearance more than the children, I stress out our family. I forsake kingdom in order to have Barbie clothes organized by color and storybooks alphabetized by author. It’s more important to God that I value the hearts of the children, that I teach them reasonable order, and that I learn to trade in the ironing for a game of Battleship every now and then.

When you and I begin to lay up treasure in heaven , it means that we are beginning to look more like the woman God had in mind. The things we acquire on earth are enjoyed with open hands, but the riches that motivate our hearts are the treasures that matter to God. People matter to God and hearts matter to God and love matters more than anything.

This Scripture says that your heart follows your treasure. Wouldn’t it be amazing to be a woman whose treasure always leads her toward the kingdom?

Life Is Too Short

Life is too short to worry about dirty clothes, grubby fingers and dirt on my back porch. Life is too short to keep yelling at my kids to stay out of the biggest pot in my backyard. I needed to change a rule that was set in place, and learn to let go. This wasn't a hill I was willing to die on. It was time to ease up and live a little. So to embrace letting go and learning to loosening up we went to GoodWill and bought spoons and containers to play in the dirt.

Life really is so short, and a childhood should be full of playful discovery and imagination. Childhood should always be carefully held together with love and carefully decided boundaries, but most of all they should be allowed to be children free from the challenges and cares of adulthood, that time will come soon enough. So I'm learning to loosen up, care less about unimportant things, plant my herbs out of the reach of little fingers, and most of all embrace my children's brilliant imaginations.

Speak It

Another great article from Michele's blog-

http://michelephoenix.com/2011/05/speak-it/

The Lies Mk's Believe

Just found a new blog and it has some tremendous articles. It can be something that can really help those who come into contact with children of missionaries, it can help those going to the field with children, and it can help missionary kids understand themselves better and behaviors they have. There are 5 posted here and I believe more are blogged about but are scattered. Check it out-

http://michelephoenix.com/mk-tck-resources/videos-articles-novels/

All God's Children

I am very serious about the subject of child abuse. This is not something I have a morbid fascination with or are flippant about. Most of the time the child abuse you hear about is physical and sexual. Children can also be emotional abuse and spiritually raped. Some of which I've experienced myself. I believe that this is all part of Satan's way of destroying the tender, loving, trusting spirit of a child to where they are incapable of trusting or believing in God, their great Father. It is one of the greatest tragedies the world knows.

Growing up we were incapable of coming to the aid of our friends who were being degraded, but now I'm an adult and I have a voice and I choose to use it. Each and every one of us have a voice and you must learn to use it when you see something happen that you believe to be an injustice. I love the quote:

"All that is necessary for the the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing." Edmund Burke

I've seen a lot of good men do nothing in my lifetime and it's been people I called family. It's been my "aunts and uncles" of our mission.

So I stand with my friends who have suffered unimaginable pain and shame. I acknowledge their pain. I create awareness and hope to help break the taboo of hiding abuse and not talking about it. All of you out there are WORTH FIGHTING for. So I stand with you, and am honored to do so. You are great fighters and are hero's in my book.

If you care to watch this movie, it took place in Guinea, in a little boarding school called Mamou. It happened even before I was born. It happened to a different mission. But the abuse is very similar to what we experienced at Fanda Missionary Boarding school. All the way down to the way the brave missionary kids had to fight to be heard. I sat in horror and silence too numb to cry because so much of it was my "normal." This movie comes in 10 parts. You will find the next part at the bottom below the movie.

I can't get the link to work so I'm going to have to just give you all the links to copy and paste. Sorry for the inconvenience.

Part 1 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V3KMa8sVGqY&feature=channel_video_title

Part 2 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xH8c5H_7bW8&feature=watch_response

Part 3 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HvfI7gSC0X4&feature=watch_response

Part 4 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kxpj9QYdRTU&feature=watch_response

Part 5 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dvDJGx8M5ko&feature=watch_response

Part 6 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1fiI_pkbBlc&feature=watch_response

Part 7 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qE_jLUBwLP8&feature=watch_response

Part 8 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ujeG09t8hZI&feature=watch_response

Part 9 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HU0log7yId4&feature=watch_response

Part 10 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1K4SYMYq8w&feature=watch_response

A Beautiful Offering by Angela Thomas chapter 9 pgs. 121-123

This is such a great book. I would highly recommend it. It's the Sermon on the Mount, the Beatitudes in simple applicable terms. Instead of this nebulous thing out there floating around. I personally have to read something more sometimes to help me be able apply scripture directly to my working life, because that's what scripture is for, to be directly applied to your life so you can flourish like a plant in the light of the sun. Angela calls the Beatitudes the "When You Are's" instead of the list of "Gotta-Be's" Here's a snippet of the great teaching I've been sitting under this week with her. Hope you enjoy.

Jesus turned a corner in His sermon when He transitioned from the When You Are blessings into the As You Go instructions. We are now coming into the specific characteristics that make our lives a beautiful offering to Him. He is speaking to the common people, the “multitudes” who have just been given blessing in the kingdom. Jesus said that these are the ones to whom God gives light and salt. No one has to qualify to be salt and light except that they have divine fellowship with God by faith in Jesus.

When Jesus spoke, the crowds heard about an upside-down world being set right side up. The Pharisees had misrepresented God, and now Jesus had come to set things right. He told us that His followers have markings different from what they have seen or heard. Other people should be able to tell when a follower of Jesus is in the room. In this turning of His sermon, Jesus begins with these words to you and me:

You are the salt of the earth. (Matthew 5:13)

If we are acting like salt then we will affect the world positively in His name. You may have heard some of this before, but it’s worth repeating. Let’s run through a few of the qualities of salt:

Salt preserves and purifies. Jesus sends us into a world of people whose souls will decay without Him. We are supposed to take the life-purifying message of salvation to them. Salt does not purify or preserve inside the shaker, but only after it has been rubbed into the food. In the same way, in order for our salt to be effective, you and I will have to be rubbed into a dying world, interacting, loving, and becoming right along with them. It’s a little scary, especially if we have become the church ladies who live inside the church bubble. But the more excited I get about Jesus, the more I want to be rubbed into the world for His glory.

Salt provides flavor. The application for the Christian is to bring out the God--flavors of this world. Are you looking for the hand of God woven through our days? Do you remind others of His presence, His work among us, and His calling toward Christlikeness? Do others see the person of God because they share a life experience with you.

Salt makes you thirsty. Do you make anyone thirsty for Jesus? That is so convicting for me. Do people want more of God because of what they have seen and heard in me? Do you remember John 7:37?

If anyone is thirsty, let him come to me and drink.

Our responsibility (as salt) is to make men and women thirsty (for God) because of our lives and then point them to Jesus Christ. His responsibility is to satisfy the thirst.

Salt is a common substance. I am so grateful that Jesus did not say, “You are the gold of the earth,” because I’d never think I was ready. But Jesus likens us to the stuff they give you for free in little packs at the fast-food restaurant. I love that. He uses the weak, the foolish, and the despised. Paul wrote in 1 Corinthians,
“God chose the foolish things of the world to shame the wise; God chose the weak things of the world to shame the strong. He chose the lowly things of this world and the despised things—and the things that are not—to nullify the things that are, so that no one may boast before him. (1:27-29)

I am just a single mom with four kids. A minute ago, I ran downstairs to make a peanut-butter-and-jelly sandwich for AnnaGrace that she wanted cut into four triangles. After I finished with these words I need to rake the yard because I let the grass get to high before I mowed last night. I fly by the seat of my pants sometimes. I oversleep some days and I reach for something chocolate when I’m sad. It’s just me, a common woman with a common life. Do you feel common and plain and extremely ordinary? Then Jesus is talking to me and you. We are the ones He has ordained to be salt on this earth. We get to rock this world in His name. God uses small things and small people like us. We cannot let our common lives keep us from this holy calling.

Wounded Healer

I’m realizing more and more how to put a name to my feelings. I’m seeing how much I've seen NTM as a family, a protective parent of sorts. It feels so much like a parent/child relationship where they were supposed to love, support and protect its children and they didn’t. They hurt,abused and let me/us down. The “parent”, the organization that looked from all outside sources to be nurturing and caring were a very different organization when they went “home” at night and wasn’t on their best behavior. That’s when I/we got hurt. The most damaging I think was that it all happened under the label of Christ. I’d have a little more compassion if they hadn't vowed themselves to be messengers of Christ. The very bearers of Christ’s message.

I guess in a great sense my eyes have been opened and now the true healing can begin. My great question is how do you even begin to forgive an organization specially when there is such a mix of remorse and defiance mixed together. It’s like an awful marriage where both parents stay together but have conflicting convictions.

It’s so ironic that both my family and the “umbrella parent” I grew up with carry some/many of the same characteristics. This doesn’t make me bitter, it makes me very sad. It makes me want to rise up and do it differently. It makes me want to create a better outcome, a better solution for my children, their future and the future of the church. It’s my responsibility to be a Christ bearer, a reflection of Christ.

I mourn though. I mourn for what I deserved as a child and didn’t get. I mourn for what a poor reflection Christ was given, and how people perceive Christ now because they were warped, manipulated and scarred.

But somehow in the mourning I’m thankful for the deep valleys because I would be nothing I am today without the wind, the waves and the pain driving me to God, the one that never for a second left me or let me down. There is a chance to redeem the past and use the knowledge collected to help and love others. I’ve been learning a lot about brokenness this year. We truly are ALL broken. Broken vessels in the hand of God. Those who know and believe they are broken beyond their own ability to fix themselves are in the perfect place Christ wants them to be. We are in a place of being able to see Christ as our greatest healer. It brings us to a place of being able to take the things we are learning and help others to see Christ.

Which brings us to a phrase that was music to my ears when I heard it, “Wounded Healer.” I have been broken, and I hope my heart continues to be broken before Christ for the things that are right and proper. I want Christ to use my life, my simple offering maybe to bring healing to others. It’s a humble request, born out of a heart on fire for Christ. I want to be used by God to be a Wounded Healer.